Interviews in the Bathtub
by HyperKat
Summary: What happens when you put an eccentric reporter and a member of the Hogwarts school in the prefects bathtub alone except for the hundreds of screaming audience members? Who is being interviewed you ask?1st -Oliver Wood.2nd episode-Draco. 3rd-Hermione!!!!!
1. Quidditch Captain To Boot

Interviews in the Bathtub  
  
Nothing is mine. Period.  
  
Interviews in the Bathtub  
  
Some guy says-  
  
"Are you ready, for the 8th wonder of the world, Jeeeerrry Sppprrriiiinger?!"  
  
The crowd cheers even louder.  
  
"Well its too bad, because he's not here!"  
  
Crickets chirp, and a tomato hits the side of the guy's head. The guy looks smug.  
  
"Instead, we have... Lizzie Donna-wanna-wanna-ching-chang!"  
  
Another tomato is thrown as an average looking woman, supposedly Lizzie Donna-wanna-wanna-ching-chang, walks out in this nifty reporter suit.  
  
"Woo. Hoo." An audience member said.  
  
HOLD UP! WAIT A MINUTE!  
  
You see, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Wow. this was a major waste of my time." And you WOULD be right, if my fan fic actually did revolve around some mediocre reporter and her sense of fashion. But you are, however wrong. Because that wasn't my fan fic. This wasn't my show. That was Lizzie Donna-wanna-wanna-ching-chang's show.  
  
THIS...is my show.  
  
All the cameras zoom in on the prefect's bathroom door. The door opens up to a large audience clapping and cheering beside a huge tub filled to the rim with purple bubbles. The applause dies down as the spotlights zoom around and some really hot guy beside the tub says...  
  
"WELCOME TO...KAT'S...INTERVIEWS IN THE BATHTUB!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
The crowd, including students and professors of the school and numerous celebrities, cheer at the top of their lungs as the guy moves and reveals Kat soaking in the bathtub wearing nothing but a bikini. She smiles and says into the microphone-  
  
Kat- Hello, everyone! I see we have a full house! I see Austin Powers.  
  
The crowd cheers as the camera zooms in on a waving Austin Powers with crooked glasses.  
  
Kat- I see Britney Spears snogging Austin Powers.  
  
The crowd cheers Britney Spears stops snogging and smiles and blows a kiss to the camera.  
  
Kat- Ah, I see the infamous commentator, Lee Jordan!  
  
A tomato is thrown at him.  
  
Lee- *:- (  
  
Kat- But none of the celebrities present tonight can top the person Im interviewing in just a few short moments. It is- OLIVER WOOD!  
  
The crowd goes crazy as the Quidditch captain to boot enters the bathroom in his Gryffindor robes. He waves and jogs over to the tub.  
  
Kat- Cue the strip music!!!!!  
  
Some funkadelic strip music comes on as Oliver strips down to his quidditch pattern boxers.  
  
Whistles erupt and Oliver gets into the bathtub.  
  
Kat- Welcome to Interviews in the Bathtub, Oliver.  
  
Oliver- Thanks, and may I say this is an excellent BADGER! choice of scenery.  
  
Kat- Yes, I know. So how are you, first off all?  
  
Oliver- Im pretty good. But I only BADGER! have a little while, I have to go to a quidditch seminar in an hour.  
  
Kat- No issue. So, hows it been, being a worldwide celebrity and all?  
  
Oliver- Its BADGER! got me feeling pretty good. I mean, Its got me bleeding blue and white BADGER!  
  
Kat- I see. So will you explain to me why you don't like Savage Garden?  
  
Oliver- Well, BADGER! they just don't mix with this BADGER!...  
  
Kat- Wow. So I understand you have this unhealthy obsession with badgers.  
  
Oliver- BADGER!  
  
Kat- Well, that's totally understandable.  
  
Percy suddenly comes in the bathroom and looks around in shock.  
  
Percy- Oy! What in bloody hell is going on in here?!  
  
Kat hides her mic- Nothing.  
  
Percy- Don't tell me "nothing!"  
  
Percy looks at Oliver  
  
Oliver-..  
  
Percy- Oliver! I would have expected better from you!  
  
Oliver- Hehe.  
  
Kat gets out of the tub.  
  
Kat- Oh, come on, Percy. Surely some big important prefect like you would want to be interviewed in a bathtub, no?  
  
Percy blushes- Well, I don't know..  
  
Kat- Aw, come on, I'll bet theres a nice iron man under those robes, isnt there?  
  
Percy giggles  
  
Kat- Come on, you know you want to. *pokes his tummy *  
  
Percy- Well-  
  
Kat- *poke poke *  
  
Percy- Okay.  
  
Kat- Strip music!!!!!!  
  
Percy strips down to his tightie- whities with "Ministry of Magic" on them with hearts above the I's.  
  
The audience is silent. Someone coughs. Kat presses play on a tape recorder and applause bursts out of it. She presses stop.  
  
Kat- Ah, very niiiiiice, Percy. Please join Oliver and me in the tub.  
  
Kat and Percy get in the water and Percy sits by Oliver.  
  
Kat- So, you two are friends, correct?  
  
Oliver- badger.  
  
Percy- Yes, weve been friends for a long time now.  
  
Kat- I see. I have an understanding that there have been numerous slash fics about you two being a little more than friends. What do you have to say about that?  
  
Oliver- Well, I for one BADGER! have to say that the author of these fics are BADGERS!  
  
Percy- Well, I have no real objections. After all, who wouldn't like Oliver? He's smart, funny, sexy.  
  
Oliver makes a face- What are you BADGER! trying to say?  
  
Percy- Well, I guess I would just like to take this oppurtunity to say that I love Oliver. I have always loved Oliver. I will always love Oliver. I love the way he whistles while hes showering. The way he-  
  
The crowd immediately starts pelting Percy with tomatoes.  
  
Kat snaps and suddenly some buff looking security guard drags the unconscious Percy to the back room, leaving Kat and Oliver in the tub alone once again.  
  
Kat- Well, now its time for..LETTERS FROM THE VIEWERS! WOOHOO!  
  
Cheering*  
  
Kat- This letter reads- "Dear Oliver, Whats the deal with your right eye? Its bigger than your left eye. And how come you do a little jig with your eyebrows whenever you talk? Wondering, Whitney Vanderkin"  
  
Oliver- Well, when I was younger I had this freak pineapple incident which enabled me to have supersonic powers, therefore giving me the name "Pineapple Punch Buggie" and I just went around saving people and then one day I looked in the mirror and I was like.."Whoa.. my right eye is bigger than my left eye." And then I lost my powers and had to figure out some other way to make a living. So I taught my eyebrows to dance and joined the circus as "Eyebrow Boy" and I had amazing eyebrow-rific powers.  
  
Crickets chirp.  
  
Kat- Appalling. So-  
  
Oliver- BLIMEY! BADGER!, I'm late for the BADGER! seminar!  
  
Kat- Okay, Well let's wrap this up. It's been a pleasure, Oliver.  
  
Oliver- It's been a BADGER! pleasure for me too!  
  
Oliver kisses Kat on the cheek, gets out of the tub, gathers up his robes and waves goodbye to everyone.  
  
Kat gets out of the tub and wraps a towel around her waist.  
  
Kat- Thanks for coming everyone!  
  
Cheering*  
  
Kat- Oh, and one little special announcement. Next week, joining me as reporter will be..the infamous...LEE JORDAN!  
  
Another tomato is thrown.  
  
Kat- He will be accompanying me in the bathtub when we interview my next guest. But I cant tell you who it is. It's a secret. SHHH! Well, see you next time, I have to go use my fathers credit card! Woohoo!  
  
Audience cheers and the cameras back up and the bathroom door closes.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
PLEEEEEAAAASE REVIEW! If you have any suggestions or want a certain person to be interviewed, please let me know and check out my other stories!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	2. The Trouble With Draco's Boxers

/bINTERVIEWS IN THE BATHTUB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!/b  
  
The characters belong to J.K. Rowling. Duh.  
  
Well, okay, I said, I wasn't gonna keep it going, but, in the words of Dumbledor, "This just goes to show that even the greatest must sometimes eat their words." Or something like that, anyway. So here it is, the chapter that nobody cares about,  
  
CHAPTER 2, THE TROUBLE WITH DRACO'S BOXERS  
  
The audience is going-  
  
"Blah, blah.blah, blah!!! You blah blah blah, eh-er derkin." Blink blink, cough.  
  
Hehe, randomness.  
  
Some guy over a loud speaker- "WELCOME TO...INTERVIEWS IN THE BATHTUB, WITH YOUR HOST, OKRAH WINFREY!!!"  
  
Audience-...*cough, blink*  
  
Kel Mitchell comes out dressed like Oprah and does a few poses, then-  
  
Kat comes out in her bikini with ropes dangling from her and she pulls a sock out of her mouth.  
  
Kat- Ex-cuuuuuse me, guy on the intercom, THIS is not the Okrah Winfrey Show, THAT is not Okrah Winfrey *points at Kel, who is now stripping into a bikini, himself* and YOU are fired!  
  
Some guy on the intercom- HEY!  
  
Kat- *glares*  
  
Some guy on the intercom- Hmph, Madame Fortress Mommy.  
  
Kat taps her foot-Kel?  
  
Kel- Yes?  
  
Kat- Didn't I tell you that you were NOT allowed to bound and gag me to a chair and take over my show?  
  
Kel- Umm.I don't remember.  
  
Kat- Well you can just sit in that corner until you DO remember!  
  
Kel does the lip and goes to sit in the corner.  
  
Kat- :-(  
  
Audience- 0.0  
  
Kat- Yes, ah-haha.So, welcome to..INTERVIEWS IN THE BATHTUB, WITH YOUR HOST, ME!!!!!!  
  
The audience screams and cheers.  
  
Kat- You LOVE me! You really LOVE me!  
  
Kat gets into the tub- Well, I told Lee Jordan I would let him be co-host today, but he seems to be missing..  
  
In the back room-  
  
Arnold Schwartzeneggar- You are a puny, puny little kid.  
  
Lee, tied to a chair- But I have to get out there! Im co-host! IM CO-HOST!  
  
Arnold- Not today you arent, puny puny little kid. *plucks Lee's head and cackles insanely*  
  
Lee- NOOOO!  
  
Back to the bathroom-  
  
Kat shrugs innocently- But, I don't know. So, It looks like I will be performing this on my own. *grins slyly* So, will my two assistants please bring out our mystery guest????  
  
Fred and George Weasley bring out Draco Malfoy, who appears to not look very happy.  
  
Draco- UNHAND ME THIS MINUTE!  
  
Fred- Shut up, you little blonde freak. *slaps Draco with a toaster*  
  
Draco- Owies. :-(  
  
Kat- Care to join me in the tub, Draco?? *lies back against the edge of the tub all seductive-like*  
  
Draco- Well, I don't-  
  
George slaps him with a piece of toast and Fred rips his pants and shirt off and then they throw him in the tub. George gives Fred a high-five, then they hold hands and frolic away.  
  
Audience- Blink. Blink. Cough.  
  
Draco comes up, spurting water out.  
  
Draco- Wait till my father hears about this..  
  
Kat, who is oggling Draco's bare, non-hairy pale chest- What do you think your father will say, Draco?  
  
Draco- He'll probably get those two trouble makers kicked out of this god- forsaken school.  
  
Kat looks sympathetic- Draco, do you need someone to talk to? Do you need a shoulder to cry on? I'm here for you, Draco.  
  
Draco- Err, um, Kat? Why are you feeling up my leg?  
  
Kat- Im, um, not. *she holds her hands up*  
  
Draco- O.O Then who is?  
  
Kat reaches her hand down and grabs someones head and pulls the person up.  
  
Draco- HARRY?!  
  
Harry, blushing- Uh, yes, Draco?  
  
Draco- Why were you feeling up my leg????  
  
Harry- What? I wasn't!  
  
Draco-O.O  
  
Kat reaches down again and pulls up-  
  
Harry- Ginny?!  
  
Ginny- Yes?  
  
Harry- Were YOU feeling up Draco's leg?!  
  
Ginny- o.o Uhm, maybe.  
  
Harry gets out of the tub and runs away, crying.  
  
Kat- He wasn't wearing any clothes. O.O  
  
Audience- O.O  
  
Draco- O.O  
  
Ginny- O.O Maybe I should go.. *waits for someone to stop her*  
  
No one says anything.  
  
Ginny gets up and runs away, crying.  
  
Draco- She wasn't wearing anything. O.O  
  
Kat- O.O  
  
Somewhere in the back-  
  
Arnold Schwartzeneggar- O.O  
  
Lee- O.O  
  
Back in the tub-  
  
Ron- Hey, you!  
  
Kat- Yes, Roni-kins?  
  
Ron- Don't call me that! Now, what did you do with my brother? Mum's going to kill me if he's gone missing again!  
  
Kat- I don't know where Percy is, but I can guarantee you that he is not handcuffed to my bed.  
  
Ron looks disturbed and disgusted.  
  
Kat- I said he wasn't okay? Okay, he is, so what?  
  
Ron-Aw, come off it, give him back! Mum's going to think he's off somewhere with that Oliver guy again!  
  
Kat- Listen, buh-bye, I have an interview to do. *snaps*  
  
Fred and George come out and drag Ron, kicking and screaming to the back room.  
  
Fred- Poor little ickle Roni-kins.  
  
Kat- Okay, so Draco. How do you like Hogwarts?  
  
Draco- It's okay. I'm awfully mad I had to be in the same year as Harry Potter, though.  
  
Kat- I see. So, in your opinion, which house is the best?  
  
Draco- Well, mine, of course. Slytherin's always been the best, everyone knows it.Well, except for Harry Potter.  
  
Kat- Who is your best friend?  
  
Draco- FriendS, really. Gregory Goyle and Something-or-other Crabbe. Theyre much better friends than Harry Potter has.  
  
Kat- You seem a little hung up on Harry, Draco.  
  
Draco- Well, lets not talk about him. He's a damn sexy beast, but hey.  
  
Kat-0.o Uh, yeah. So tell us a little about yourself, Draco.  
  
Draco- Well, Im an active member in the Draco Potter/ Harry Malfoy club.  
  
Kat snickers- Yeah, so how many members are in this club?  
  
Draco- Two, me and Cho Chang.  
  
Kat- 0.o Well, let's rap it up, Im , um, about to be paged.  
  
Draco is about to stand up, but realizes his boxers are missing.  
  
Draco- Um, Kat.  
  
Kat- Yes, Draco?  
  
Draco- I think Ginny took my boxers.  
  
Kat snickers- Well, looks like your going to have to stay here. BYE!  
  
Kat stands up and turns to the audience- GOODBYE EVERYONE! See you next time, when we will be interviewing.SOMEONE!!!!!! XD!!! *runs away*  
  
Everyone in the audience leaves.  
  
Crickets chirp.  
  
Draco- Hello???? *echo, echo*  
  
Kel, from the shadows- Hello, Clarise..*evil laugh*  
  
Draco- NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*  
  
THERE IT IS! The story that a whole 4 people were waiting for. XD Well, Reviews, pleaseeeeeeeeee!!!!  
  
You can vote on whoever you want to be interviewed, altough I already have an idea of who its going to be..*ponders*  
  
I WILL ONLY CONTINUE IF I GET REVIEWS!!!! 


	3. Our Fave SmartyPants

Interviews in the Bathtub  
  
Alright, I realize I haven't been updating like I should..well, too bad, eh? HAHA! Eh.yeah. So anyways.here it is.  
  
All characters *except for Kat and other special gueststars..they belong to themselves ^.^* belong to J K ROWWWWWWWWWWWWLING!  
  
Special Gueststars- P. Diddy, Craig David- song- "Walking Away"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Interviews in the Bathtub  
  
Our Fave. Smarty-Pants  
  
Curtains open up to the prefects bathroom, revealing a cheering audience and a very hot-  
  
*WHACK!!!*  
  
Err..extremely attractive-  
  
*WHACK!!!*  
  
OUCH! Okay, moderately good-looking-  
  
*WHACK!!!*  
  
Okay, FINE. -revealing a cheering audience and an average-looking host. Happy?  
  
*NODS*  
  
*grumble*  
  
Kat- I resent that. Well, anyways, welcome to....INTERVIEWS IN THE BATHTUB! With your host, MEEEEE!  
  
*cheers*  
  
Lee Jordan comes out in his flame thong.  
  
The cheering suddenly stops.  
  
Kat- Oookay, so I DID buy him the thong, what of it?!  
  
Lee- Its true.  
  
Kat-Hehehe. Yeah. Welp, this week, were interviewing the greatest, our favoritest bookworm and know-it-all, HERMIONE GRANGER!!!!!  
  
Everyone- Huh?  
  
Reviewer- What?! I didn't suggest her! I wanted Hagrid!  
  
Reviewer #2- And I wanted Crabbe or Goyle!  
  
Kat- WHO cares?! Hahaha! ON WITH IT!  
  
Hermione Granger comes out, looking rather smug.  
  
Hermione- Well, I wasn't going to come. Do you KNOW how many school rules were breaking, afterall?  
  
Kat- Well, not being a member of this school, I don't-  
  
Hermione- I mean, this could lead to getting expelled! Let me explain. Camera equipment and-  
  
*AN HOUR LATER*  
  
Hermione- Next thing you know we'll be bumming peanuts off elephants and living with circus clowns! And THAT'S why one should never bathe without soap.  
  
Kat-*shortcircuiting* Um..yeah. SO then why did you come?  
  
Hermione- Well, let me explain..  
  
Kat- Is this going to be long?  
  
Hermione-NO!  
  
*THE NEXT DAY*  
  
Hermione- And so I came here in hopes of having an affair with Lee Jordan.  
  
Lee- *snores* Uhm.what?  
  
Hermione- Well, either him or Arnold Schwartzeneggar.  
  
Lee- WHAT?!  
  
Kat- Ahem, yeah.  
  
Audience- *glares*  
  
Kat- So, on with the interviewing!!!!  
  
Hermione shrugs and attempts to undress from her robes to get into the tub.  
  
Everyone gasps.  
  
Kat- Uh.no, Hermi, that will NOT be necessary.  
  
Lee- But please keep your answers a bit shorter, that was a bit disturbing.  
  
P. Diddy- Yeah, dogg, that was unnecessarily long. If you want to reach your goal, your going to have to shape up and pay attention. I CANNOT DO THIS FOR YOU!!!!!!  
  
Everyone- Umm...  
  
Lee- That uh.. "Making The Band" thingy show screening is over that way. *points that way*  
  
P.Diddy- Uhm..I knew that..I did. *walks away*  
  
Lee- Hmmm. "*walks away*"..  
  
Craig David comes out, indulging a LOT of cheering.  
  
Craig- Im walking away.from the troubles in my life, Im walking away. Gonna find another day, Im walking away.  
  
Sometiiiiiiiiimes, some people get me wrong- *reaches into the audience for hand-touching, causing some girl to die of a heart attack*  
  
Random girl- MURDERER!  
  
Craig- Uhm, what?  
  
Random guy- GET HIM!  
  
Craig- NOOO!  
  
They all attack him and soon there is no audience left.  
  
Kat, Lee and Hermione sit there quietly.  
  
Kat- Why do I try?  
  
Lee- I don't know.  
  
Kat- *glares*  
  
Lee-Um..I mean.. "Eye taunt.bowl."  
  
Kat- Oh, well in that case...lets get this interview over with.  
  
Hermione- Wait, I havent decided whether or not to even come here or not!  
  
Kat- BUT YOU ARE HERE!  
  
Hermione- That's not the point! I simply CANNOT break the rules! Goodbye! *walks away*  
  
Craig- IM walking awa-  
  
Kat- *evil glare*  
  
Craig- Ahem..*walks away*  
  
Kat and Lee stare at each other.  
  
Kat- Im depressed.  
  
Lee- I know.  
  
Kat- Why do I try?  
  
Lee- Because your you. This didn't go SO bad today..  
  
Kat- *glares.again*  
  
Lee- Okay, so it went bad. But that's NOT the point. The point is you tried. You failed, but you tried. That's all that matters.  
  
Kat smiles.  
  
Lee- Did my meaningful talk get to you?  
  
Kat- No, actually I wasn't listening to you....I was thinking about how much fun I had with Oliver Wood last night.  
  
Lee- Eh?  
  
Kat- So I feel better now. Come, lets frolick!  
  
Kat and Lee frolick off.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Okay, I wuz a little stuck on ideas for Hagrid, Crabbe or Goyle, but Im workin on it. I hope you enjoyed it.and if you did, PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!! 


End file.
